Thursday, September 15, 2016

What Happened When I Let Go and Let God

Something I struggle with is control. I very much like being control and on top of things and something I struggle with is letting go of that and my tendency to plan everything and just give it to God. It's hard for me to leave things alone when I so badly want them to have a certain outcome or want to control them in a specific way. I just hate feeling out of control. I know that as a Christian I am supposed to give everything I have to God and that I am supposed to trust in the special plan He has for me and my life. I like to think that I do trust in His plan 100%, but deep down I know that I still try to plan and control everything that happens in my life, it's just who I am. Lately though, I've been trusting Him more, and I've been able to physically see the changes in my life no matter how small. I decided that in everything I do, I would just start to pray about it and know that whatever happened it was God's plan and that every outcome would lead me in the direction that I'm supposed to be going. At the beginning of the semester I was having a hard time because all of my classes were much more demanding than I was used to in addition to me working more than normal. It was just one of those points where one thing after another is constantly going wrong and you can't catch a break. I knew that I just had to wait it out until things turned around. And then it did. I cut my class load from 17 hours to 14 hours after choosing to go from a split religion and philosophy second major to just religion and while it didn't make much difference it made a small difference. I finally got in the groove of a new work schedule and started to balance out my study habits for the semester. It's still not going to be an easy semester, but I'm prepared to work through it. The second week of school I was in the middle of a breakdown and I was doubting my ability to handle the course load I had, but then all of a sudden I knew I could do it. One of my professors who I thought didn't like me told me about an MCAT prep for next summer at UT Memphis that he thought would be great for me. I got an interview for a fellowship that would be great experience for me. God knew I could do it if I could just make it through those first few weeks, and now I'm happier than ever, and doors are opening left and right when before I felt like they were all closing. While it's hard to believe I'm in my third year at UTC, it just gets better every year. God has blessed me with the best people around me and they push me to be my best and are there when I need them. I'm finally comfortable with letting God have control in my life and it has brought me a totally new peace I never knew I could have. So if you're out there doubting or struggling, just know that there's a plan and just keep on keeping on and it's all going to work out.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10
Hang in there, pray about whatever is bringing you down, and know it's gonna get better.


No comments:

Post a Comment